She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
