My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sarcasm needs its own font
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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