i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
