Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
