doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
