Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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