A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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