Pappa wants mamma naked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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