He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
