I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
