I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
