Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize