I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
