smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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