I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
