my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
