Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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