i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
