Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
