he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
