we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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