im drinking this country out of the recession.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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