Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
