belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
