So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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