so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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