I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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