Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
