Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
