did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize