he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
