Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
