I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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