He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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