fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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