I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
