the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
