I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
