I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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