Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize