So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i came on her dog
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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