Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Randomize
