I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
