He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
