I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
