How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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