Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
