I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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