I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize