I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
