Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
