I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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