I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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