you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
