Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
