Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everclear isn't food dammit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
