Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
