The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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