I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
