What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize