I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
