apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
