dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
