My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
