I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
