I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
