I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
