I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
