Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
