A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
