there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
