Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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