I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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