Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
