My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
