I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
